Erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey sells out in Gloucester

“Eroticism can't be found in a book, gaffer tape and pineapple rings is the way forward...”

“Middlesbrough was narrowly beaten as the wettest place in Britain in June, by the queue at Waterstones for 50 Shades of Grey”

“AAAARRRGGGGHH! this is such a terrible piece of junk! what is the matter with you all?!”

“If you regard this trash as either good writing or erotic then you really need to get out more.”

“I have read both 1st and 2nd book, now on 3rd! All I can say is; its addictive reading, so make sure you have plently of time on your hands! Dont be surprised if your hubby starts to take up reading too - like mine has. (He's probably feeling a bit left out and wants to know what all the fuss is about).

Seriously though, it may not be a well written book; it might not suit everyone but if you have a sense of humour and open minded then its worth reading.

It certainly has brightened up my both life and my friends over the last few weeks with lots of laughter!”

“Can't imagine why anyone would want to waste their time reading this rubbish, when instead they can spend their time partaking in truly exciting activities like using the search engine on a Kindle to find a series of repeated words! oh....and then spending 3 hours typing it on here: )”

“.”

“Thank you Wawa_M - that was far more enjoyable than actually bothering to read any of it myself. It sounds truly atrocious. I am embarrassed and ashamed of my fellow woman for being sucked in (if you'll pardon the pun) by this rubbish!...”

“There are more, hilarious reviews on the Amazon website, please please do visit

another sample:

"I found myself thinking "Twilight, plus some spanking, minus the sparkly vampires." Here, I'll save you all some time (SPOILER ALERT):

Once upon a time...
I'm Ana. I'm clumsy and naive. I like books. I dig this guy. He couldn't possibly like me. He's rich. I wonder if he's gay? His eyes are gray. Super gray. Intensely gray. Intense AND gray. Serious and gray. Super gray. Dark and gray. [insert 100+ other ways to say "gray eyes" here]
I blush. I gasp. He touches me "down there." I gasp again. He gasps. We both gasp. I blush some more. I gasp some more. I refer to my genitals as "down there" a few more times. I blush some more. Sorry, I mean I "flush" some more. I bite my lip. He gasps a lot more. More gasping. More blushing/flushing. More lip biting. Still more gasping.
The end." hah hah ahaha”

“Repetition is my pet peeve.. that aspect alone would put me off reading after the first few pages.. but here are a couple of reviewers who made it past the 2 page sample....

Reviewer # 1:
I heard so much about this book that I had to give it a shot, but I'm five chapters in and just can't take it anymore. This has to be the most appallingly atrocious writing I've ever seen in a major release. The pseudonymous British author sets the action (such as it is) in Washington State... for no reason than that her knowledge of America apparently consists of what she read in "Twilight"... but the entire first-person narrative is filled with Britishisms. How many American college students do you know who talk about "prams," "ringing" someone on the phone, or choosing a "smart rucksack" to take "on holiday"? And the author's geography sounds like she put together a jigsaw puzzle of the Pacific Northwest while drunk and ended up with several pieces in the wrong place.

And oh, the repetition...and the repetition...and the repetition. I'm convinced the author has a computer macro that she hits to insert one of her limited repertoire of facial expressions whenever she needs one. According to my Kindle search function, characters roll their eyes 41 times, Ana bites her lip 35 times, Christian's lips "quirk up" 16 times, Christian "cocks his head to one side" 17 times, characters "purse" their lips 15 times, and characters raise their eyebrows a whopping 50 times. Add to that 80 references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious" (which also rolls its eyes and purses its lips, by the way), 58 references to Ana's "inner goddess," and 92 repetitions of Ana saying some form of "oh ****" (which, depending on the severity of the circumstances, can be intensified to "holy ****," "double ****," or the ultimate "triple ****"). And this is only part one of a trilogy...

If I wrote like that, I'd use a pseudonym too.
Thanks to the many other perturbed readers who have shared their own choices of the most annoyingly overused phrases in this masterpiece. Following up on their suggestions with my ever-useful Kindle search function, I have discovered that Ana says "Jeez" 81 times and "oh my" 72 times. She "blushes" or "flushes" 125 times, including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red." (I can't even imagine.) Ana "peeks up" at Christian 13 times, and there are 9 references to Christian's "hooded eyes," 7 to his "long index finger," and 25 to how "hot" he is (including four recurrences of the epic declarative sentence "He's so freaking hot."). Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line" 10 times. Characters "murmur" 199 times, "mutter" 49 times, and "whisper" 195 times (doesn't anyone just talk?), "clamber" on/in/out of things 21 times, and "smirk" 34 times. Christian and Ana also "gasp" 46 times and experience 18 "breath hitches," suggesting a need for prompt intervention by paramedics. Finally, in a remarkable bit of symmetry, our hero and heroine exchange 124 "grins" and 124 "frowns"... which, by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences "intense," "body-shattering," "delicious," "violent," "all-consuming," "turbulent," "agonizing" and "exhausting" orgasms on just about every page.

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