Weekend columnist Nikki Owen is battling through half term
Brace yourselves, it's half term. That time of year when teachers heave a sigh of relief and parents omit a collective groan.
But, if I can, I want to mention another week that makes my stomach lurch harder than a ride on a rollercoaster. Paris Fashion Week.
In my mind, never, ever shall the two weeks meet, and here's why.
Take half term week. If you have young kids you may well, right now, be sitting cup in hand desperately figuring out where the nearest indoor play barn is that serves decent coffee.
If you have teenagers, well, good luck seeing them surface before 1pm.
But I bet you won't necessarily be wondering what to wear. And that brings me to Paris Fashion Week, where the 2013 trends of sports latex and feathers (really) strutted in Karl Lagerfeld's catwalk show that saw a Chanel bag bigger than your TV.
Who on earth wears this stuff? Not me. Stick me in this season's cape coat and my kids will think I'm ready to perform magic tricks. Look! No hands!
Let's face it, catwalk fashion is nothing like our real lives. The theme for Lagerfeld's show this season was serenity and magnanimity (I had to look that word up! It means generosity, by the way...)
Now apply those themes to half term. Oh what a laugh! Yes, I can see us all sashaying through half term – and work – serene and generous as our kids recreate a scene from the Battle of Trafalgar in the lounge with screams and an up- turned sofa, while our boss barks out deadlines.
Thing is, high-end fashion is fab and fun. But it's la-la land. Imagine doing the school run in the latest fur shoes and flounced off the shoulder shirts.
Half term demands steadfastness, folks. It's a time when we have to keep our cool and juggle everything. It's when we figure out how to fit in work, childcare and that inevitable cabin fever the kids get when the British weather sets in and all you see are puddles. It ain't a time for eccentric catwalk Chanel. Not that I can afford it.
So we must resist! We must chuck on our jeans and jumpers with pride, wipe the snot from our shoulders and get on out there.
We may be no catwalk queens, but at least we'll survive half term.
Follow Nikki via her blog http://www.nikkiowen.wordpress.com